e toda vez que digo tenho q parar de falar com a flavia, é quando a saudade aperta

e sinto falta do teu abraço, talvez eu poderia qm sabe mandar um 'oi, como tah?' 'queria te contar que...'

são tantas coisas q gostaria de conversar, pode ser que em uma vida não dê tempo

e a gente se fala quase todos os dias e as vezes das coisas q escuto fico pensando que estou forçando uma amizade que já terminou expirou o prazo de validade, não aqui, mas pode ser um desencontro.. existem tantos, na vida.. a vida é cheia de desencontros a própria realidade vem fruto de um desencontro de engano um equivoco, nossa consciência é oriunda, e esse poder de decisão sempre será escolher caminhos, e 'desescolher' tantos outros. 

Eu não me importo, me abandono, pode ir embora se quiser..

pergunto 'quer ficar na minha vida?' e escuto um 'sim, mas' 

eu anulo essa mas essa reação mental de desconstrução

'tudo bem' aqui a dor já passou, 

não posa mais no meu peito

aqui só sigo e aceito

aceito e sigo vivendo

o que tiver de sentir

mesmo que seguir seja

seguir só

sem mim.

intelecto nao eh meu inimigo

vc nao eh minha inimiga

o controle materno nao eh meu inimigo

blowing my brains up

you don't like my feelings, I understand, I don't like my feelings as well

karma's been a bitch

I wanted you to accept me on social media, I couldn't understand why not..

so then another person came to show me

as I accepted against my wish I see you were trying to breath on this situation

It's not you fault. I got that now.

and then again, because my mind hasn't stopped on thinking about being blocked

and how I feel bad putting you through this situation

another person came and block me so now I honestly see that ain't that bad

It's all my mind blowing things up.

I wish I had a gun, to make things more concrete.

one more

one more misunderstanding

one more act of rejection 

by those I call friends

and no, I wasn't trying to manage them

I wanted help to manage myself.. 

first M. she knew me, I thought she could get it

I was under so much pain, my mind making me shake

and her opinion about my identity was one of my crises

so I tried to explain her, but I couldn't and she reacted 

she argued like if she were under-attack, which wasn't real

but real enough for her, and then no more friendship

I have to say I still grieving this end

And now G. a new friend but might not be.. 

surely I was his.. and again he judged me

as I didn't deserve to be judged but what can I do?

honestly...

you don't like me

welcome to the club

I dislike myself either.

F for friend

I'm a possibility, you're my reminder

I can't thank you enough

when my mind is trapping me in my self-absorption

feeling myself lost and worthless

you have been a lovely present memory

saying I'm not done.. I can still change all in myself.

thank you for witnessing

through your words

I feel love and I can't explain why

but I wish I could be there for you too.

Forget

Hello, it’s funny isn’t it! I know the only thing that keeps people alive. It’s a link. We’re social beings. I know you don’t like me and I’m not sure if you wanna keep our link. I understand why I’m not worth, I’ve never been. I cannot start now, it’s too late but I could finish it. I have always been a disappointment of everybody’s life. If I could say something to you it would be my friend you are free, you have always been free none of that was real, I understand . I wish I could live in that dream, but I wake up every morning. I drink my coffee and do nothing. I drink wine to get some sleep or not drink at all and keep awake most of the night. Life is boring and meaningless you can’t understand. Thank you

new games

leave me alone

 I can play by myself

you don't need to stay

I will love you any way

fly babe, let me go

I will survive

just because I need to

my soul will find its creator