he spoke as he arrived. "the work is overwhelmed, there isn't any possibility one could survive there. It's a mistake."

she didn't say a thing just looked at him.

So he added. "the car has broken again, well it was nothing serious, a tire got flat. and that's why my delayed."

she silently checked her phone again, the message was still there. (He has just left here.)

she knew all about his lies. 

she had an accomplice, he had a mistress. 

This lady has ever been nothing more than peculiar her entire life. Trusting no men. sexual violence survivor. She had encountered discrimination toward her intelligence, her appearance, her lack of femininity. And things like that had been forced upon her character, changed her personality, and fearlessness.

She was no propriety. of no men. and therefore, free. 

Her married female friend wasn't that luck, under the circumstances she did her best. got married to fulfill an awkward desire and tradition. educated for it. first told herself she loved him, before agree to get married. she quitted college in order to safe money taking care of the 2 children that they had.

    Mary mother of Jesus has just asked:

    - I don't get it, if he's billionaire why shouldn't he buy this house?

Lilith first wife of Adam, who has never been any man's ribs, but actually the first woman, answered:

    - Well, there is a thing.. called society, right? and he is a  billionaire, which means that he hasn't been fair playing with his own society, and now a group of people of this society is searching a problem with this billionaire wealth, how he's got his wealth estate.. but first, you will have to remember, that in this society, there's only 2 ways of getting  really rich. 1 exploitation, or and 2 inheritance, so if he got his money, through one of this method, that are well regulated by state, well, then he won't have any problem. but if he had done something illegal, which is more likely to have happened, this other guy who doesn't like it is going to investigate, in order to put him in jail, or so.

    Mary not so benevolent anymore gets very irritated by Lilith's tone, and say:

    - That's not my point here.

    Lilith carries on.

    - But this is all the point to be made. It's irregular, or so illegal, to become billionaire, unless you're part of this group of wealthy men. and he the man who is buying a house is challenging them, others already extremely wealthy men in the series. 

    Mary now furious say something like: 

    -I know, that. I have understood that, you always talk, talk, talk. and even a homeless recycled picker would understand that!

    Lilith spotting something very distasteful within Mary's speech, said:

    - So what is it wrong with that? I mean, yes it's wrong a billionaire spending 68 mi in a house, it's beyond morally wrong, if he got rich doing illegal activity it's worse. and have you just said that you're better than a homeless rubbish picker? if so, that's why you can't understand. you don't understand a thing. and the main thing is: 'you are not better than anyone'. no matter where they live, or what they do.

    And resting her case, Lilith stood up and head to the bathroom, when suddenly Mary grabbed Lilith's arm, and screamed something like:

    - You always do that! Tell me stupidity! And called me stupid then leave!- then she walked off. 

    After the aggression, Lilith couldn't care less for the whole situation. Mostly because it wasn't her prejudices being questioned. In fact her perspective, not detailed-oriented, was some how satisfying her, she could read beyond the bible, she could foresee the immoral standards on believing in superiority and inferiority. 

    No money in the world could buy her perspective.

    No one can teach this no matter for how long it has been preached.

    It is wrong to be more. It feels right to be equal.

Mary, now realizing her aggression, returned to her seat, explaining that she said a homeless picker  as a harmless example, she could have said a cat, or a person with dementia. Things were getting very ugly while she was trying to excuse herself for being so prejudice. and, or so, stupid.

 Although a person being stupid is not death penalty to Lilith. It's just a phase, a stage you are in, before you can actually know something.

“In all the edifices of thought, I have found no category on which to rest my head. Whereas Chaos—there's a pillow!”

“Only optimists commit suicide, optimists who no longer succeed at being optimists. The others, having no reason to live, why would they have any to die?” (Emil Cioran)

"In every man sleeps a prophet, and when he wakes there is a little more evil in the world.”(Emil Cioran)

“I understood the non-sense of every gesture, every effort…I wanted to defend myself against all men, react against their madness, discover its source; I listened and I saw – and I was afraid: afraid of acting for the same reasons or for any reason, of believing in the same phantoms or in any other phantom, of letting myself be intoxicated in the same way or in any other way; afraid, finally, of sharing a common delirium and expiring in a crowd of ecstasies…It is troubling to think that…all sink into lying because they do not suspect the equivalence, in nullity, of pleasures and of truths.”(Emil Cioran)

“Tears do not burn except in solitude.”(Emil Cioran)

“Nobody would dare look at himself in the mirror, because a grotesque, tragic image would mix in the contours of his face with stains and traces of blood, wounds which cannot be healed, and unstoppable streams of tears. I would experience a kind of voluptuous awe if I could see a volcano of blood, eruptions as red as fire and as burning as despair, burst into the midst of the comfortable and superficial harmony of everyday life, or if I could see all our hidden wounds open, making of us a bloody eruption forever. Only then would we truly understand and appreciate the advantage of loneliness, which silences our suffering and makes it inaccessible. The venom drawn out from suffering would be enough to poison the whole world in a bloody eruption, bursting out of the volcano of our being. There is so much venom, so much poison, in suffering!”(Emil Cioran)

“If I were to be totally sincere, I would say that I do not know why I live and why I do not stop living. The answer probably lies in the irrational character of life which maintains itself without reason.”(Emil Cioran)

“Knowledge subverts love: in proportion as we penetrate our secrets, we come to loathe our kind, precisely because they resemble us.”(Emil Cioran)

“The fact that life has no meaning is a reason to live –moreover, the only one.”(Emil Cioran)

Emil Cioran was a Romanian philosopher and essayist, who published works in both Romanian and French. His work has been noted for its pervasive philosophical pessimism, and frequently engages with issues of suffering, decay, and nihilism. (Wikipedia)

March (Trilogy) by John Lewis - rest in power

hidden verses

Never be no sunshine, it's gonna always be rain
Honey, you goin' to want me to come back again
Never be no sunshine, it's gonna always be rain
You never gave me no lovin'
That's why I'm goin' away

You called me yo honey
Spent all o' my money
And you think that's funny?
That's why I'm going away

(That's why I'm going away - Elizabeth Cotten)

   I have told her that our lives were perfect 

                         despite my work and desire 

                                       to travel the world

she can not see my problems as being hers

                               and I am married alone

I carry this burden which is not a person 

                          or creature or obligation 

                                     I carry an idea of

            completeness that drains my soul

                             

                            locking me in shadows

                                    blocking my light

I see her 

in the night

the pain of rejection

I saw her falling for her oppressor

being merciful to someone that is external

and projecting her goodness on this monster

         now her monster and herself are reflection in the glass

                 such a thin glass made for break but she is unable

                                                    She is waiting for a miracle

I see her 

as bright as day

all of her motivation 

which can get things done and be happy

about it the child smile and close attention

She is part of spring when let things grow

She is capable of wonderful garden full of roses

             and the smell and safe feeling of standing around

surround by smiles respected

   admiring moments of peace

                                                                   my love is mine

                                                                    and I can share

I love her with the bottom of my heart

     but she seems an impossible dream

                         

                        she does not let me fly 

                         she allows me to sing

How could I say now, honey, I can't stay with you if I can't go

well, hadn't I just said?

why do they look to African continent? seriously, if for them at first was only work force as an industrialized world and farm production, really? slavery? why didn't they slave themselves? they were as they are still RACIST. because that idea was the first? why bothering going all the way to Africa, why not getting people in their own land? I tell you why because they won't do that with people of them... and they looked to others as they were aliens.. "so we/they can abuse an outsider, an uneducated, and even create a lie about supremacy" but truth being told they shouldn't have done that. it's not because is different that is bad.. we should stop assuming something different to be bad.. we are better then this.. we are creatures on this blue planet which could fit everyone we could work together and not for others.. but for ourselves.. being different ain't mean being wrong.

ainda humanos1

ter diploma não é ser inteligente,
ter familia não é ter amor.
ter dinheiro não quer dizer ser melhor

e eu não sou deus.
mas meu eu pode estar

no centro do meu universo
como um sol em um sistema solar

pode ser assim um núcleo no átomo

que se projeta
e se me protejo pareço invencível
ainda que independente do meu bem estar

o mundo acontece indiferente a minha participação
o que acontece no mundo participa em mim
só não sou ninguém, e niguém é só...
solidão.

sunshine
moonshine
star shine, who minds?

I've got two minutes, no more.
could you take care of my life?
it's here
Anybody would do a better job
I'm sure you deserve this opportunity

Life is a miracle, some guys are obsessed with Jesus
I can't guarantee he will be there
sponsoring your dreams and sins
he fucks every thing

she wants the control now
What a hell if she'd just known
it's out of control he was lying
I mean, he controlled power

and that's for real, real, can't be called control
more like a big dog barking over a bowl full of shit
he has no clue on his conditioned thoughts
and she believing in him wants the control now

and for what? I understand her. I'm like her.
Let's take back control and leave. Isn't it?