it's not about boundary it's all about distance.

memories are past

I have good and bad memories of you.

but they are just remarks of what we have lived or of what have I dreamt of.

and that's not interesting, well, at least not for me.

I love you. as a being of change a human being, and or not if you are near me.

I wish you could be around, but when you limit me I don't want to stay anymore.

you don't know all. you can't understand me. 

love is the bridge I want to keep, not other kind.

my foundation is love, because it's the strongest I know.

you might want to go and I can't stop you from your desires, I haven't stopped you before

I won't stop you in the future, I observe and I love. love is near. but observe is from a distance.

you live in my heart. not your memories. these are in my mind, and it's not always the best place to be.

but you are safe, and I love. not the image, I carried, but your being

thank you.

so, I asked to reconnect. you said yes, and no.

a conflict sign again. I can't. I'm sorry.

you don't want it I understand.

my heart none of this makes sense

my memories I will have them settled. 

you my love, you are gone.

and that's just a way to be. 

I'm sorry.

I want to kill myself

I wonder if accidentally I haven't planned to be far and alone

thus it could restrain the damage of my death 

it may have a less impact upon people

I can't live, you know.

I will kill myself someday

because that's what I said I would do

nothing will change in my mind this is settled

the remain question is: when? 

or how can I do it without hurting those around me?

nobody will understand

most of the time I am quite sure it's not today

but there are some days, I can clearly see the damage my life makes

and it's simple need to end. I could end, not without killing

then I wish I could die without killing myself.

I would like to just die.. 

I'm almost sure about that I may be able of making my unconscious accept dying

then I won't be doing anything wrong. 

It was a disaster as usual my announcements and desires, nothing has been reached, in fact, it would never be right, but nobody would guess how wrong wrong it was. My decay is visible. luck you, you're not part of it, I live in internal war, anarchic and ordinary. my mind which lies to me, not even idly. keeps exploiting myself. Nothing could be more selfish than this mercenary squad who torment me. the worlds is vast but I'm out of it. I feel the edge. you might not be able to see. none of it makes sense to you. we got only two means to talk and it seems we can't talk through them. I was arrogant inconvenient as usual something horrible every day I've been pathetic idiot and worthless as sensible sensitive and guilt for committing disrespect as disrespect could be a crime. I'm a criminal for all I can think, but a hero, the only thing let it escape are words, vague irresponsible, and empty. You can listen to me and ignore me most of the time. My words are asking for help, but everyone else it's so busy on their own lives so I'll be quiet, and I'm afraid of my own silence, It might kill me I think you should be a little worried of my silence too.

"Foi um desastre, como de costume, meus anúncios e desejos. Nada foi alcançado, na verdade, nunca estaria certo, mas ninguém poderia imaginar o quão errado. Minha decadência é visível. Sorte a sua, você não faz parte disso. Eu vivo em uma guerra interna, anárquica e comum. Minha mente me mente, nem mesmo ociosamente. Ela continua me explorando. Nada poderia ser mais egoísta do que esse bando de mercenários que me atormenta. O mundo é vasto, mas estou fora dele. Sinto-me à margem. Talvez você não consiga ver. Nada disso faz sentido para você. Temos apenas duas maneiras de conversar e parece que não podemos nos comunicar através delas. Fui arrogante e inconveniente, como de costume, algo horrível todos os dias. Fui uma idiota patética e sem valor, sensata, sensível e culpada por cometer desrespeito, como se desrespeito pudesse ser um crime. Sou uma criminosa por tudo o que posso pensar, mas uma heroína, a única coisa que me permite deixar escapar são palavras, vagas, irresponsáveis e vazias. Você pode me ouvir e me ignorar na maioria das vezes. Minhas palavras estão pedindo ajuda, mas todos os outros estão tão ocupados com suas próprias vidas que ficarei em silêncio, e tenho medo do meu próprio silêncio. Ele pode me matar. Acho que você deveria se preocupar um pouco com o meu silêncio também."