I really should tell you about some uncomfortable feelings 

I got from our last talk

well, I think it was a trigger talking about board games with you, 

a reminder of my supposed birthday present, 

which I went to Switzerland to hand to my friend who went back to brasil,

and then you had it delivered,

but didn't say a thing.. 

ok I mean, 

I remember the crap I felt, 

the wrong being, 

the null existence, 

and my desire of ending. 

I remember the many nights I spent crying,

triggers are very uncomfortable. 

but as some wise man once said, 

triggers are also opportunities,  

to revisit old scars and do it right this time, 

I honestly, 

feel like never seeing you again, 

perhaps I could call a driver to get the board game to you.

but that is not a plan, nor pleasant

image I can picture the future

I also got questions, 

on if I should address this with you

I almost sure you don't care

I am not important.

or that was that how I felt, 

and this became a concept. 

I don't know.

look, I'm sorry to be a fucked up girl in a fucked world

who probably need some medicine to do basic things

and who is also tide to a very generic belief of self-loathing

nobody should be near me enough to get frustrated

by all disappointments I bring as an air breather

no one should care about my misery and the mental state

I persistently put myself through it,  nothing really matters

and nothing really matter to me

when this is over, I wish you the best things life can give you

a house full of joy and respect and caring

a mind that is so peaceful, even a lake would be jealous

the wind can blow my perceptions, I am not stable

I have never been

not worthy of your pity, believe me, I just wish to be dead

but as death hasn't come yet

I got to make the best of it

despite being an empty shell

I can go to hell

nothing will make me stay

my life is pointless

I can easily throw it away.

como seguir adiante e não se arrepender

pára, volta, esquece e lembra

as decisões são tomadas no calor da hora

meu pensamento tem participação menor

não decido porque penso

apenas sinto e o sentimento

é o condutor do nosso futuro

o que posso querer que já não tenho

o que posso sonhar se já não durmo

hoje tem sol ontem veio a chuva

faz parte do mundo as mudanças

sou como uma gota num oceano 

de mistérios sem segredos

e essa revolta que ensaio

o medo de ter medo

a prisão mental onde me encontro

respostas que não percebo

foi-se um tempo que o tempo

não esquece

ao leu,  pobre rebento

não sou incapaz ou inconstante

como o vento

sou só e só sou o bastante

você eu sei tem mais o que fazer

me empresta sua atenção

sem nota promissória

me deixa em paz e eu querendo guerra

na verdade por aqui a batalha 

que existiu e deixou escombros

fez brotar a flor que hoje chora

por dentro

Você mentiu me enganei 

segui a estrada errada 

com promessas furadas não existe nada

nem nunca existiu

Barril vazio o sonho acabou 

cheguei no deserto sem água 

vc carregando mágoas 

eu perdi a mala me desertei

Quando percebi a solidão 

eterna companheira 

de cara amarrada 

me dando colo 

na imensidão

eu já sabia desencantada eu

 era nada mas o mundo 

se coloriu com seu olhar 

e sorriso por um segundo 

eu so queria estar 

Ali vivendo de afeto e compreensão

O Amor é tão egoísta barco perdido á deriva 

miragem de terra a vista foi uma viagem 

ja foi

deixa que o balde chutem 

deixa que o luar ilumine a noite 

deixa a noite q te mostre

________________________________________________

You lied I was mistaken I followed the wrong road with delusive promises there is nothing

nor has there ever been

Empty barrel the dream is over I arrived in the desert without water, you carrying sorrows I lost my suitcase I deserted myself

When I realized solitude, eternal companion, with a frown, giving me comfort in the vastness

I already knew, disenchanted I was nothing. But the world was colored with your gaze and smile. For a second I just wanted to be there, living on affection and understanding

Love is so selfish, a boat lost adrift, mirage, land in sight. It was a journey. It’s over now.

Let them kick the bucket, let the moonlight illuminate the night, let the night show you.